Little Victories
by Baka Nightmares
Summary: Random HP/IZ oneshots about Zim and Dib's adventures at Hogwarts. Really cracky, no real plot... Please RnR. :)


**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling. Invader Zim is owned by Jhonen Vasquez.**

**These are a bunch of cracky and pointless stories about Zim and Dib's adventures at Hogwarts - in no particular order, and told by HP characters perspectives. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated. :)**

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It was the Harry's fifth year at Hogwarts – frankly, things had not been going so dandy. The Sorting had not even started yet, and already he hated the new Defense Teacher - with a passion.

However, unbeknownst to Harry, many little victories would follow his current bitter mood. Not entirely by his own doing, but when they reached the 'D's in the Sorting.

McGonagall had just sorted 'Duston, Markus' into Hufflepuff when she frowned. "Er... Dib?" she finally said. Quite honestly, Harry was shocked. Hermione, who had been quietly memorizing all the first-years names (Merlin knew Ron wasn't going to do it, and they _were _Prefects), let her mouth fall open. McGonagall never said 'er'. Ever. Not once in the considerable amount of decades she'd been teaching, had the word 'er' had never passed her lips. This was, indeed, a historic moment. Professor Binns would talk about this moment in class, and it would be the only moment in history that students could remember, because it was the only thing he would manage to make interesting.

Another odd thing was that McGonagall had not spoken 'Dib's' surname – or first name, depending. Nonetheless, 'Dib' seemed to know who he was, and pranced up to be Sorted.

He had an unnaturally large and square head, and had a giant, black spike-like lock of hair atop his head. He wore large glasses that seemed to hide his eyebrows. Harry, along with no small amount of other students, stared at Dib like he was one of Hagrid's pets. McGonagall placed the Sorting Hat atop his head (or as close as possible – it was hard with that hair).

And the Hat chuckled.

And that chuckle turned into a loud laughing fit.

"GRYFFINDOR!" roared the Hat finally, once it hat gotten over itself. McGonagall removed the Hat as Dib trotted over to the Gryffindor table, where Harry was applauding the newest addition to the cubs with a smile, despite the boys queer physical appearance.

"Dib, what's your actual name?" asked Ginny quietly as the sorting continued.

"That is my real name," stated Dib. "What's yours?"

Ginny introduced her and a few others, including Harry, Ron, and Hermione, before the twins shot Dib with another question. "Why's your head so big?" asked Fred or George – it could have been either one. Dib's face twisted into an offended wince.

"My head is not big!" he stated. "Why does _everyone_ say that?"

Harry noticed the odd way Dib's eye seemed to twitch, and how he stared at everyone like they were the weird ones. A new name caught the Halls attention.

"Zim?" McGonagall sounded confused.

And the craziest looking person Harry had ever seen walked up to be sorted.

Zim carried and air of importance. He must have had a parent or relative in the military, judging by how he walked. He had green skin, no nose, and three fingers on each hand.

Okay, Dib was a blue sky. This Zim was a deformed mermaid-unicorn riding backwards on a llama that wore a top-hat, singing Christmas carols. Harry was staring at him with the rest of the hall as the Hat was placed on his head.

"Slyther- GRYFFINDOR!" said the Hat.

Zim eyed the Gryffindor table from the stool. "FOOLISH HATTY STINK-PIGGIE!" he roared. "I AM ZIM! And Zim does wish to sit with the steak-chucking Dib-worm!"

Dumbledore cleared his throat, looking confused Zim's antics. "Mister Zim," he said, "the Sorting Hat has never sorted a student into the wrong House. If the Hat thinks you belong in Gryffindor, you belong in Gryffindo-"

"LIES!" shrieked Zim. "The twinke-human LIES!" Zim pronounced 'human', 'hyooman'.

"I can solve this with a muffin," Dib volunteered, standing on the bench he sat on. Zim was now stomping and spewing all kinds of colorful insults at the teachers. Dumbledore sighed and quickly summoned a House Elf to give Dib a muffin. Hermione was mortified to see that House Elves prepared the food, but was slightly pleased to see Dib thank the tiny elf for the muffin.

As the House Elf disappeared, Dib chucked the muffin at Zim. It hit him on the side of the head. Zim instantly fell silent, and stared at the muffin like it had insulted his mother. He started screaming.

"WHO DARES TO ASSAULT THE ALMIGHTY ZIM WITH THEIR STEAKY-CUPS?" he screeched, stomping on the muffin with his foot.

"That's a muffin," muttered Ron quietly.

"LIES!"

"I'll throw more if you don't join Gryffindor!" threatened Dib. Zim screeched and ran at the Gryffindor table, which he hid under.

The Sorting ended, as Zim was the last on the list, and Dumbledore allowed the feast to begin.

Harry dug into his food with a smile, but was surprised to see that Dib instead began taking samples and putting them in tiny bags. "What are you doing?" demanded Harry. Dib looked at Harry like he was crazy.

"The food appeared out of thin air – I need to study the magical residue to find out if it's safe to eat. Plus, those elves made it. Who knows what sort of discoveries I could make by just studying this food?" said Dib.

"You're out of your mind," stated Ron. Dib sighed and his shoulders sagged.

"Yeah, so I've heard."


End file.
